My liver just broke up with me...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
3pm strippers are depressing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
