why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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