So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
