Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
