I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We have started to decorate penises.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
