I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
