Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
