you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
