she woke up with a sticky ear
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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