oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
