Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
