I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
