Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
