I CAN MOONWALK!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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