I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
