I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
