i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
