she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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