So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
