All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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