She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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