I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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