glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
