I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
