i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
