I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
