I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
