Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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