I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
