I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
