yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
