Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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