Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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