Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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