I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
