He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
