My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
