I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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