He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
