$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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