plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im six kinds of drunk right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pants are for mortals
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
