my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
