this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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