I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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