Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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