Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
