I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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