Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
