woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
