WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
