My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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