You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
