She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
