oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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