so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
