man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
