It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You pole danced in your parka.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
