I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
