Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Vodka?
Forever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
