after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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